Monday, March 13, 2006

Is it all in my Head?

Sometimes I wonder if it's not all in my head. I actually dread having sex. It's not that I am no longer physically attracted to Elerossë, it's that I can't get the word vasectomy out of my head. It seems that sex is so shallow with him, it no longer means anything. And I'd rather not have it right now.

I suppose this is something that a couple should talk about. But knowing Elerossë, he'd take this the wrong way and figure I'm not attracted to him anymore, and it's over (sexually) for us.

Now, if I had never read that darn book (GNASM) or talked with others about birth control, would this even bother me? Sometimes I wish I were just blissfully unaware that THERE'S THIS HUGE GAPING HOLE in our relationship, that sex is supposed to be more than just passing pleasure, it is a sacrament too... It would make things much easier to just not know. Why do I have to know? What did that give me? If I were blissfully unaware, I wouldn't care about the vasectomy. I wouldn't have encouraged him to get one, but I wouldn't CARE.

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